Funny Disney Letter

So we get all kinds of guests at Disney, many of which are fairly colorful. Just I'd share one without fans :)

Dear Disney,

I am writing you this letter today to talk about the great experience I had with a man named Kyle. Now, I consider myself something of a connoisseur of funnel cake. I have traveled the globe eating them in the most exotic locales.

But never have I encountered one as great as that prepared by chef Kyle, a pudgy boy with glasses, who I had serve me today at the Liberty Square Funnel Cake stand. After ordering one, I was worried, as I am naturally very picky about the done-ness and size of funnel cake after having eaten so many.

I told Kyle not to short me on the batter, and short me he did not. He just kept pouring it in until I had a funnel cake to rival an entire real cake, and it was cooked to perfection. Not too fried, not too soggy.

Despite this boy's teenage appearance, I have no doubt he is a 4-star Michelin chef, classically trained by the finest funnel cake masters in Paris. I want this boy's salary bumped up immediately, as he is no doubt a master of the funnel. He is probably making at least 100k with these skills, but I say bump it up to a cool half million. Fried dough is Kyle's canvas through which he could paint the next masterpiece. I believe today I ate the Mona Lisa, covered in powdered sugar.
One day I will be rich and famous. I don't want to brag, but I am an awesome singer. I have no doubt I will have an album go platinum very soon. Maybe in the next 48 hours. And if that doesn't happen(for some crazy reason), I am sitting on a collection of 248 Beanie Babies that are probably worth a couple billion dollars by now.

The point of this is, one day I will hire Master Chef Kyle to be my personal funnel cake chef. He will prepare them for me night and day. Funnel cake for breakfast. The post-coitus funnel cake I like to enjoy that usually freaks out my female companions, now Kyle can cook it instead of me rushing off to do so.

Kyle might be the biggest asset you have Disney. Give this man a raise. Give this man Mickey Mouse's job. He will be beloved by more children than that mouse, who makes a horrible funnel cake, by the way.

Kyle made my vacation.


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